im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
