belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
