Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
