I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
