The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
