Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
