fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
