Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
