When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
