im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
