Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
