just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
