i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
