Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
