if i can run in heels then i can drive
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
