Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
