sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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