Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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