he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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