I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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