my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
