Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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