Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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