Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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