Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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