Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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