Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
