he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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