He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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