I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
