Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
