You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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