Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
