You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Please don't give away my fajitas
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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