My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
