I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
