Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
