Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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