Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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