Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
