That's when you crack a 10am beer
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
