Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
