I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
