Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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