just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
