I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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