There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
