can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
