if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
