ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
