I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he shaved USA in his pubs
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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