Non-Jews are for practice
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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