the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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