so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
