Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
