she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
